Celebrity Sex Tapes a must for celebrities in 2010?

Ok, first of all, there is no sex or nudity in this article, nor do we link to it.  This is a journalistic perspective on the celebrity sex tape market that we feel needs to be explored. Being a celebrity in 2010 is nothing fun. The movie companies are making less money, there are less productions, and there are more actors.  So, what can an up and coming celebutante do to attract attention to them selves?  Well, you make a sex tape of course. I can remember when it was a huge deal when Pam Anderson & Tommy Lee’s sex tape leaked and dropped on the rock and roll world in the late 1990’s? Now, celebrity sex tapes are a dime a dozen and if you don’t have one, you aren’t even cool. They are common place now, with everyone from Kim Kardashian to Jamie Foxx to Verne “Mini Me” Troyer, and even so far as to bring the late rockers like Jimi Hendricks back into the entertainment world, as sad as that may seem. They are doing it on film for the world to see. Shit, even Carrie Prejean has a cell phone taped sex tape, but Vivid did make an offer on it! Here's a list of the biggest celebrity sex tapes of the past decade. 

#1 The Paris Hilton Sex Tape

Paris Hilton was just barely 19 when she dated and rode Rick Salomon into celebrity sex tape infamy in 2004. The 2004 release of “1 Night in Paris” by Red Light District was against Paris Hilton’s wishes, or so she claimed, and Salomon and Hilton sued each other only to eventually settle out of court. Night vision or not, this tape is Fapperiffic!

#2 The Verne Troyer Sex Tape

Verne Troyer, Aka Mini Me from the famed Austin Power’s movies, has a sex tape. The Verne Troyer Sex Tape is probably not something you would actually want to see. There is no link on this site to the Verne Troyer sex tape, just a blank, black and white page with no link at all to Verne’s sex tape. Why would you want to see the Verne Troyer Sex Tape? I surely wouldn’t. Apparently what happened was some hicky chick from somewhere in the midwest woke up one morning and decided she wanted to be a celebrity. “Well?”, said the lass in her head, “How do I become a celebrity overnight?” You make a sex tape with Verne Troyer?

#3 The Screech “Dustin Diamond” Sex Tape

Ok, I apologize profusely for even putting you through this one, but it did happen and sadly we must acknowledge it, even if it is purely the acknowledgment of it’s existence. The former “Saved By The Bell” nerd got caught up in “Screeched”, and was released in 2006. At first good old Screech pretended he was horrified at the sex tape’s release, but low and behold, Dustin Diamond’s manager later admitted that he hoped the tape would raise Diamond’s profile. I mean, doesn’t everyone that ends up with a celebrity sex tape just get famous overnight?

#4 The Kim Kardashian Sex Tape

If there was anyone who actually paid attention to how a celebrity sex tape was supposed to go down, it was little miss Kim Kardashian. Paris Hilton’s former Best Friend Forever, Kim Kardashian, had a sex tape of her own released in March of 2007. The sex tape, shot with past boyfriend Ray J, Kim Kardashian’s sex tape was released by Vivid Entertainment. Kim Kardashian sued and reportedly received $5 million buckaroos, and we got the unrevokable right to view that big ass any time we want. Kim, teach your sisters something that the world actually wants them to learn. Catch my drift? 

#5 The Collin Farrel Sex Tape featuring Nicole Narain

Ladies, grab your tits for this one. Hold on tight. If accents and man parts are your thing, you are reading the right post. This sex tape was shot in 2003 with ex-girlfriend, and Playboy playmate, Nicole Narain. The Collin Farrell sex tape was first leaked and released in 2005. Collin Farrell sued and had it taken down, but the 14-minute tape again surfaced in 2006, only to be removed again, and again, and again. Folks, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 1000 times. Sex Tapes are like luggage. No one wants to keep them around, but you’re kind of stuck with them once they’re out there. The Internet is a black hole of tubes, right Al Gore? Once something hits the web, you can pretty much forget about it ever not appearing again. All we have to say is, Go Collin! At least you’re getting points from the ladies.

#6 The Chyna Sex Tape

If there was a sex tape that you wish you could “unsee” it’s this one. The former wrestling star made and sold a celebrity sex tape of herself with ex boyfriend Sean Waltman in 2004. It’s really hard to tell which one is the woman in this sex tape. Sean looks more feminine than she does. I have to say that viewing the Verne Troyer sex tape was far more appealing to a hetero male than the Chyna sex tape. At least Verne’s tape was an apparent attempt at attempting to get back INTO the vagina. Not sure you actually want to try to find this one on the Internet. Leave it alone folks.

#7 The Fred Durst Sex Tape

Male celebrity sex tapes don’t have a great track record. However, we can’t blame our next sex tape performer for that. His tape was one of the very first male sex tapes to escape Hollywood. The former Limp Bizkit singer Fred Durst was not at all happy when, in 2005, a supposed hacker stole and released a tape of him having sex with a model. Fred sued. You know the drill, we won’t test your intelligence. I can’t to this day remember the name of the model, however, we will give it the old Siskel and Ebert and tell you that if it’s celebrity sex tapes that you seek, there are far better ones out there to torture your trouser trumpet to.

#8 The Jenna Lewis “Survivor” Sex Tape

Ok, there’s a line to be drawn as to what is actually a celebrity sex tape. The personal views of Sextapes.com are certainly not those of the agents responsible for giving some of these F list celebrities their delusions of grandeur on kick starting a career with a sex tape. Chances are, if you have to mention the show name in your titled tape, then you might not be a celebrity. I could have so much fun with this subject of what is a celebrity, but I will save that for another day. on to the next errrrrrrr…… celebrity sex tape. Now, Jenna Lewis did in fact tape parts of a Las Vegas trip with husband Travis Wolfe in 2004 and churn out this wonder of a tape. The sex tape got out and she claimed “Holy crap someone stole me tape!”. The New York Daily News later reported that she owned the site that released the tape and shared in the profits with. DOH! BAAARRTT!!!!!

#9 The Eric Dane Rebecca Gayheart Kari Ann Peniche Sex Tape……Kinda

Although, this sex tape is not technically a tape of sex, but Eric Dane’s naked bath time with his wife Rebecca Gayheart and former Miss Teen USA, and Celebrity Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew dropout, Kari Ann Peniche. The Skinemax style sex tape was filmed in 2007 and leaked to a website in August 2009. There are so many levels to this tape that should not be talked about. Kari Ann is quite the famous little trollop here in Hollywood. McDreamy is a lucky man. Although a train wreck, a few sacrifices would probably be made by this writer to see some of her anatomy. Go McDreamy, you are our hero! Can a sequel be requested please?

#10 The Carrie Ann Prejean Sex Tape

Although, not released, there certainly was an offer for this sex tape. The reportedly solo tape made by Prejean and sent to a boyfriend is one of up to seven she allegedly made for him when she was either 17 (so prejean says) or 20 (he “dirtbag who would disgrace and ex girlfriend” says). Although a long shot, adult entertainment power house Vivid Entertainment did make an offer on the tape, IF it existed. The tape’s existence did however end her lawsuit against the Miss California pageant. A silver lining to a cloud of scandal. Carrie, if you’re out there and are serious about the sex tape game, please do contact me during casting for the male role. Links below. The Carrie Ann Prejean Sex Tape.

#11 The Gene Simmons Sex Tape

Now, if something needs to be said, it probably wouldn’t go uncontested for someone to ask people to not release sex tapes of celebrities over the age of 30. Ummmmmmkay, thanks. So, to whoever is responsible for the Gene Simmons sex tape, please stand up. Now, get in a car, drive until you come to a rocky region and locate a cliff to vault yourself from. Thank you. The legendary Kiss front man starred in a hardly viewable, grainy black and white video of himself having sex with a model named Elsa (or something Swedish) while keeping his t-shirt on. The tape surfaced in early 2008, and Gene Simmons dismissed it as not being true. I couldn’t agree more. My final thought on this tape IS; If I want to see old people having sex, I will watch my parents. Thankfully, there is no where to actually watch this tape.

And that’s going to be it folks! Your celebrity sex tapes tutorial and initiation! Tune in next year, same time, same place for so much enjoyment and entertainment that you’ll need a doggy bag to go. Now, get out of here! Go out there and get famous…….and make a sex tape!